Yesterday was a rough day for many people as whispered results, and then some not-so whispered results got around. The way I react always, is by trying to find the positive and to look at the other possibilities. Now, this works for the most part until the unbearable frustration sets in...
WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO DO?
All the encouragement and the good comments and the amazing jury sheets still land me here. Not winning auditions.
Now, me being me, this will be the little bit of frustration that I allow myself, and then it's back to the practice room to work on diction and character development and all that other good stuff because really I know that this frustration will get me no more. Only hard work is going to get results.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Reasons why Tejas is in fact not a straight woman, but in fact is a gay man.
Is hopelessly addicted to repeatedly watching musical numbers from Hairspray.
Is currently bitching about her costume in her upcoming opera. She could dance better in flat shoes... that's all she's sayin'.
Has a propensity for dirty humor. Really filthy.
Has developed a prediclection for ethnic boys.
Is a foodie.
Likes her likker.
Knows every word of Grease and Moulin Rouge.
Favorite actresses are gay icons... Michelle Pfeiffer, Bette Midler, Bette Davis... are we seeing a trend?
Is only attracted to other gay men. This would help if she really were a gay man.
Is upset that John Travolta was cast in the drag role.... honestly. There are real drag queens out there who could have used the work.
Loves shoes.
Likes to play with cosmetics to get just the right effect.
Wants to touch it at the thought of the Apple Air. Touch it. "It will be incredible." -Tejas
Always wants to be a black woman.... what gay man does not secretly wish to be Queen Latifah? Or someone like her?
She's conversational in she-bonics as well.
Master... err... Mistress... of the gay holy rosary.
Seriously. Loves the technological stuff. Someone buy her an iPhone.
Weeps over a good lyric.
Loves Tori and Fiona.
Wants to hump Zac Efron. Did I mention I think HE's gay?
Apprentice level of the Botox face, made famous by the Ubiquitous Hobbit.
Is currently drunk. - she had to take the edge off. You all know what I'm sayin'.
Still watching Hairspray... repeating her favorite scene, featuring an ethnic boy.
Almost purchased Mommie Dearest this summer. Considered it three times, people. Did purchase Steel Magnolias, however.
Currently plays the fly to no less than (maybe more than) half a dozen fruits.
I am so sure that there are many more people. However, Tejas/Nora... however we call her... will never be a man (without surgery) since she is incapable of efficiently peeing in a vertical stance. This also means that she cannot... well you know. ;)
Is currently bitching about her costume in her upcoming opera. She could dance better in flat shoes... that's all she's sayin'.
Has a propensity for dirty humor. Really filthy.
Has developed a prediclection for ethnic boys.
Is a foodie.
Likes her likker.
Knows every word of Grease and Moulin Rouge.
Favorite actresses are gay icons... Michelle Pfeiffer, Bette Midler, Bette Davis... are we seeing a trend?
Is only attracted to other gay men. This would help if she really were a gay man.
Is upset that John Travolta was cast in the drag role.... honestly. There are real drag queens out there who could have used the work.
Loves shoes.
Likes to play with cosmetics to get just the right effect.
Wants to touch it at the thought of the Apple Air. Touch it. "It will be incredible." -Tejas
Always wants to be a black woman.... what gay man does not secretly wish to be Queen Latifah? Or someone like her?
She's conversational in she-bonics as well.
Master... err... Mistress... of the gay holy rosary.
Seriously. Loves the technological stuff. Someone buy her an iPhone.
Weeps over a good lyric.
Loves Tori and Fiona.
Wants to hump Zac Efron. Did I mention I think HE's gay?
Apprentice level of the Botox face, made famous by the Ubiquitous Hobbit.
Is currently drunk. - she had to take the edge off. You all know what I'm sayin'.
Still watching Hairspray... repeating her favorite scene, featuring an ethnic boy.
Almost purchased Mommie Dearest this summer. Considered it three times, people. Did purchase Steel Magnolias, however.
Currently plays the fly to no less than (maybe more than) half a dozen fruits.
I am so sure that there are many more people. However, Tejas/Nora... however we call her... will never be a man (without surgery) since she is incapable of efficiently peeing in a vertical stance. This also means that she cannot... well you know. ;)
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Well, here we are on a Sunday night facing another week. The old recital creeping up and the end of the incubator period. Pretty soon it will be back to real life. Not to say that this hasn't been real, but no more refunds from the school to cover rent, and no more safe little environment in which to learn. No. Then it's time to take what we've been given and get out there and make something of ourselves in the world.
I think what's hard is to see those friends who've graduated in their lives and see where they are. Many of them went out and found great jobs with benefits and regular hours. The drawback is that they can't get out of them were they to be cast in a summer show or something like that... ah. I can relate to this. This is what happened when I went full time at Target. Music got abandoned, and while chorus and church choir still accounts for musical involvement, it isn't what I want to do.
This week, I got a letter from Target, telling me that my benefits were going to end as of 3/31. This was inevitable really. No good thing lasts forever, and I really did have a good run with them. Then there is the whole issue of auditions, and why do I not do more. DB told me to do the damn Ryan outreach thing, but in the end I just didn't want to go in and do a poor showing because I hadn't coached or sung through my Mozart since before Xmas. And I know! I need to get out there. The only way I will get seen and potentially hired is to be out there doing.
But... what if they're all lying? Well, maybe not lying really, since I can't see my teacher, coach, accompanist, and jury sheets all being in agreement to tell me a giant whopper. At the same time... as Tracy points out, I need to believe it. And I guess when I finally really honestly truly madly deeply decide that I am a good singer, it will be time to go.
I know I feel a lot closer to that than ever before. Earlier today, I was telling some friends about the loss of my benefits and my desire to stay loose and part time in the upcoming summer. They were supportive, but stated that they suppose I was still a little young to want security. Honestly... I feel as though I'm waiting for something. I don't know what it is, but I have these moments sometimes where there is no fear, there is no real true doubt of veracity... where I just know. Everything will be all right. Now, I have no idea how it is going to be all right, I only know that it will be.
I had the strangest sense of deja vu earlier today as well. And it's an old one. Years ago, I dreamt I was on a train, discussing my website with my mother. She was telling me that my grandparents thought my photo was beautiful. And today it happened. I was riding back from Howard. Manprano had just left me, and moments later the phone rings with the mommy. And it happened. It really rattled me because it was from such a long time ago... I knew this because I remembered waking at my parents and wondering why the heck I had a website. I'm going to take it as a sign though that I am on the right path. I keep making my choices and rolling with it when it doesn't work out. Like I told a professor recently, I'm all ready jaded when it comes to this business. I know that talent is only a small part. It's also who you know, how badly you want it, and how hard you go after it. I'm going hard.
This week-
Follow up with that one contact.
Group email the ladies and set a time/date to meet
Get my recital promo stuff mailed/posted.
Follow up with James.
Adhere to the list.
Most of all, learn to believe the truth of this:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." - Marianne Williamson
And with this very maudlin post... off I go.
I think what's hard is to see those friends who've graduated in their lives and see where they are. Many of them went out and found great jobs with benefits and regular hours. The drawback is that they can't get out of them were they to be cast in a summer show or something like that... ah. I can relate to this. This is what happened when I went full time at Target. Music got abandoned, and while chorus and church choir still accounts for musical involvement, it isn't what I want to do.
This week, I got a letter from Target, telling me that my benefits were going to end as of 3/31. This was inevitable really. No good thing lasts forever, and I really did have a good run with them. Then there is the whole issue of auditions, and why do I not do more. DB told me to do the damn Ryan outreach thing, but in the end I just didn't want to go in and do a poor showing because I hadn't coached or sung through my Mozart since before Xmas. And I know! I need to get out there. The only way I will get seen and potentially hired is to be out there doing.
But... what if they're all lying? Well, maybe not lying really, since I can't see my teacher, coach, accompanist, and jury sheets all being in agreement to tell me a giant whopper. At the same time... as Tracy points out, I need to believe it. And I guess when I finally really honestly truly madly deeply decide that I am a good singer, it will be time to go.
I know I feel a lot closer to that than ever before. Earlier today, I was telling some friends about the loss of my benefits and my desire to stay loose and part time in the upcoming summer. They were supportive, but stated that they suppose I was still a little young to want security. Honestly... I feel as though I'm waiting for something. I don't know what it is, but I have these moments sometimes where there is no fear, there is no real true doubt of veracity... where I just know. Everything will be all right. Now, I have no idea how it is going to be all right, I only know that it will be.
I had the strangest sense of deja vu earlier today as well. And it's an old one. Years ago, I dreamt I was on a train, discussing my website with my mother. She was telling me that my grandparents thought my photo was beautiful. And today it happened. I was riding back from Howard. Manprano had just left me, and moments later the phone rings with the mommy. And it happened. It really rattled me because it was from such a long time ago... I knew this because I remembered waking at my parents and wondering why the heck I had a website. I'm going to take it as a sign though that I am on the right path. I keep making my choices and rolling with it when it doesn't work out. Like I told a professor recently, I'm all ready jaded when it comes to this business. I know that talent is only a small part. It's also who you know, how badly you want it, and how hard you go after it. I'm going hard.
This week-
Follow up with that one contact.
Group email the ladies and set a time/date to meet
Get my recital promo stuff mailed/posted.
Follow up with James.
Adhere to the list.
Most of all, learn to believe the truth of this:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." - Marianne Williamson
And with this very maudlin post... off I go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
