I have been working on this Artist's Way book in earnest this time. Not that I didn't make a serious effort the last time, but life got in the way, and I didn't like poking around in my brain and my emotions so much. However, this time I am a stronger person and am more willing to acknowledge my weaknesses and talk with myself about what it is that gets in my way. The Censor. That little voice of judgement in my mind... I'm willing to get to the bottom of it this time.
Last night it really reared its ugly head. This week I am to deprive myself of reading and avoid all of my normal outlets of distraction. This is not making me as crazy as I thought it would. When I stand there and think about reading, and realize that I am not 'allowed' I can easily find something else I could be doing. I am listening to more pop music in the past few days than I have in a decade. (Here's a plug for www.pandora.com - amazing site.) I have thrown out half my closet that I never wear and old sleep shirts and rearranged the furniture... and last night I found a great idea for my high school show shirts and other sundries. I could cut them up and sew them together and then to the back of my high school throw. WOW! Brilliant! Immediately then I was seized by this thought in my head... what would my mother think of me ruining that throw like that?!
SHUT UP! I was stunned and couldn't believe that my mother is such a censor to me. After all, I usually don't give her much thought. But here she was stifling a perfectly good creative idea and a way to preserve my past in a meaningful way. Hmmph. Well, see if I listen to her again.
Ooh! and last night I decided to be really honest and write down my desires with no censor. No judgement of whether or not I think it's worthwhile or insipid. I just wrote it down. There are things there like, "I want to make more snow angels."
And then this afternoon I wanted to poetic away message about the rain... First, I looked for one via google, and could not find one to suit. (I momentarily forgot that I wasn't allowed to read.) I knew what I wanted and couldn't find one to suit. Now I know it seems obvious, but suddenly I decided that I could in fact write my own. I didn't have to judge the merit. I could just do it and let it make me happy. So I did. HA! Look at me go.
And then... I went and blogged! What is this world coming to?!!??!?
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